When talking does not bring you closer
Sometimes an argument starts with a small detail and quickly becomes about everything. One person pushes for a conversation while the other pulls away. You may both end up feeling unheard, even though each of you is trying to protect something important. Over time, it can become easier to avoid hard topics than to risk another painful exchange. Therapy gives us room to slow that pattern down.
We can look at what happens before, during, and after a difficult conversation. What do you each hear? What do you need but struggle to say? I am not here to choose a winner or decide who is the better partner. We work toward clearer communication and a fuller understanding of how each person's actions affect the relationship. I often draw on Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which offers a practical way to express observations, feelings, needs, and requests, so hard topics can be raised with less blame and more room for each of you to be heard.
Emotional and physical connection
My sex positive approach welcomes honest conversations about intimacy without assuming there is one right way to feel desire or have a relationship. You may want to rebuild closeness, understand differences in desire, or speak about sex with less shame. We can explore what emotional and physical connection mean to each of you, including the conditions that help you feel comfortable, respected, and present.
Honesty and vulnerability do not mean giving up your boundaries. Neither partner owes the other physical intimacy. We can practice making requests, hearing a no, and sharing uncertainty without pressure. The goal is not to meet someone else's idea of a successful relationship. It is to make room for conversations that reflect your values, your choices, and your care for one another.
The stories you each bring
Family, culture, and past relationships can influence what you expect from partnership. One person may have learned that love means providing and solving problems; another may need words, time, or affection to feel cared for. For couples with different cultural backgrounds, these differences can also involve family obligations, traditions, or the meaning of independence. We can approach them with curiosity rather than deciding one background is the problem.
My relational and attachment-based work pays attention to how you seek connection and what you do when it feels uncertain. I also draw on IFS and attention to the body, where useful. We may notice when you become tense, defensive, or quiet and explore what is underneath. Understanding a reaction does not excuse hurtful behavior; it can help create room for responsibility and different choices.
Choosing a next step together
Couples counseling can support communication, rebuilding closeness, and greater honesty about desire. It does not guarantee reconciliation or require you to stay together. We discuss your goals and whether this setting can support them. If there is fear, coercion, or ongoing abuse, joint sessions may not be safe or appropriate; individual support and safety planning may be a better starting point.
I also offer individual relationship support and intimacy and connection therapy. If you are unsure which fits, we can talk during a free consultation. Sessions are virtual, and couples sessions are $300 for 50 minutes. You can ask about fees and insurance before starting, so that the practical questions have space alongside the emotional ones.
Closeness can begin with a more honest conversation.